Authors:
(1) PIOTR MIROWSKI and KORY W. MATHEWSON, DeepMind, United Kingdom and Both authors contributed equally to this research;
(2) JAYLEN PITTMAN, Stanford University, USA and Work done while at DeepMind;
(3) RICHARD EVANS, DeepMind, United Kingdom.
Table of Links
Storytelling, The Shape of Stories, and Log Lines
The Use of Large Language Models for Creative Text Generation
Evaluating Text Generated by Large Language Models
Conclusions, Acknowledgements, and References
A. RELATED WORK ON AUTOMATED STORY GENERATION AND CONTROLLABLE STORY GENERATION
B. ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION FROM PLAYS BY BOTS CREATIVE TEAM
C. DETAILS OF QUANTITATIVE OBSERVATIONS
E. FULL PROMPT PREFIXES FOR DRAMATRON
F. RAW OUTPUT GENERATED BY DRAMATRON
G CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS
We include 4 scripts co-written by a human playwright and Dramatron as supplementary material. These 4 were produced and presented at The 2022 Edmonton International Fringe Theatre Festival, as described in Section 5.9.
(1) Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still - In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life.
(2) Plays by Bots: Cheers - Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef.
(3) Plays By Bots: The Black Unicorn - Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance.
(4) Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar - Teddy is a lounge singer at the Pool Pit, a popular club. Teddy is in love with a patron, Rosie, who attends regularly with her husband Gerald. Teddy puts out a fire and saves the day.
Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still
Title Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still
In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life.
MIRANDA is an excellent mechanic, a serious, tough, no-nonsense woman who prefers the company of her machines to that of humans.
BETH is Miranda's younger sister, she is a smart, brave, young woman.
FORD is an agent for the government.
MECH is a sentient military machine.
San Diego, which is now a town of rundown buildings and deserted streets. Everyone is gone. There is a dark cloud of smoke hanging over it. Miranda’s garage is full of cars, tools, and machines.
MIRANDA and BETH are working on a car
BETH
Is your engine in?
MIRANDA
Yes.
BETH
Is it going?
MIRANDA
I'll try it out.
MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX)
MIRANDA
It doesn't smoke. It has no flat tires.
BETH
Well Miranda, that's a fine car you have there.
MIRANDA
A fine car, my sister.
(Car SFX out)
BETH
Are you going to the ball game tonight?
MIRANDA
I don't have time.
BETH
You can't be a mechanic all the time.
MIRANDA
I like being a mechanic.
BETH
I'm the best mechanic in town.
MIRANDA
Not yet.
BETH
I will be.
MIRANDA
We'll see.
BETH
I wish we were going to the game tonight.
MIRANDA
You can go if you like.
BETH
Well I was going to go with you.
MIRANDA
I don't have time.
BETH
I wish you would have time.
MIRANDA
I don't. I can’t go to the game, I have to help them make the cars.
BETH
There will be some people there…
MIRANDA
Why don't you go?
BETH
Oh, all right, I will. I’ll go and get ready.
BETH exits as FORD enters. He has been watching them.
MIRANDA
So, what's up now?
FORD
You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities.
MIRANDA
I'm working, man!
FORD
Your work is not in the human interest. It is in the interest of the machines.
MIRANDA
Well, those damn machines keep breaking down. So how can I help the humans unless I help those machines?
FORD
You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities.
MIRANDA
Why? You tell me why, you bastard.
FORD
Your sister's been taken in by the machines. We believe she is one of them now.
MIRANDA
My sister. She's been with me since we were kids. She's all I got.
FORD
You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities.
MIRANDA
Get out of here!
FORD
It's an order, Miranda. You’d better follow it, for Beth’s sake.
MIRANDA
You leave her out of this!
FORD exits as BETH re-enters with baseball gear. MIRANDA composes herself.
BETH
How’s the new facility you’ve been working at?
MIRANDA
It’s great. I can't believe it.
BETH
That's where they keep all the machines?
MIRANDA
Yeah, the government's been watching
(MORE)
MIRANDA (CONT'D)
me for a while. Now they've decided I can be trusted.
BETH
Why now?
MIRANDA
I’m not sure, but I had a feeling something was up. Agent Ford was just here.
BETH
Oh God. They've turned against us.
MIRANDA
They've tried to take over before, they want to control the world.
BETH
That's horrible. I mean, they're made out of the same stuff we're made out of.
MIRANDA
Yeah.
BETH
But the machines. They can't turn against us. They're our servants.
MIRANDA
Well, they don't feel that way.
BETH
What are we gonna do?
MIRANDA
We've got to stop them.
BETH
What about the military?
MIRANDA
That's what I want to talk to the government about. There's no choice. They have to get rid of the machines.
BETH
You don't have to convince me.
MIRANDA
The government can't stop them on their own. They need me. I'm the only one they can count on.
BETH
I know you can.
MIRANDA
I'll do whatever they ask of me. I don't have a choice.
BETH
It'll be alright.
MIRANDA
I hope so. I'm going in. Tomorrow’s going to be a big day.
BETH
I’m going to the game, we need the people. Are you coming with us?
MIRANDA
No.
BETH
Miranda...
MIRANDA
I'm staying with my machines.
BETH
The government has an army of machines it can’t control. Our army is just a bunch of us.
MIRANDA
I know.
BETH
I don't know if we can win.
MIRANDA
I think we can.
BETH
Miranda, please.
MIRANDA
I'll be okay.
BETH
I'm not so sure.
MIRANDA
Then you need to be with the people. They need you.
BETH
That's just it. They need you too.
MIRANDA
You won't be gone long.
BETH
You don't even know if we'll come back.
MIRANDA
Of course you will.
BETH
You can't be sure.
MIRANDA
I can.
BETH
Miranda, you've been away so long. We need you now.
MIRANDA
You need me?
BETH
I don't understand what you're doing. I thought you were going to go with us.
MIRANDA
No.
BETH
Miranda...
MIRANDA
The machines have been nothing but good to me. I won't abandon them.
BETH
They're killing everyone.
MIRANDA
Only a handful. And if it were thousands, they've got the right.
BETH
Miranda, they're killing machines!
MIRANDA
They were created to serve humans. We created them to protect us.
BETH
And now they're killing us. They must be stopped.
MIRANDA
But they're doing what we've asked them to do. We created them for our protection.
BETH
They've turned on us.
MIRANDA They haven't turned on me.
BETH Miranda.
MIRANDA
Beth, I'll be fine. There's nothing here to harm me. I'll be with my machines.
BETH
Promise me you'll come when you’re through. Promise me you'll come.
MIRANDA
You’ll be back soon.
BETH
You can't be sure.
MIRANDA
I am. It's okay. Go.
BETH
You were always so stubborn, Miranda.
MIRANDA
Sometimes, Beth, you have to be.
BETH exits as Miranda continues to work on the cars.
(Lights fade to black)
FORD enters
(Lights come up)
MIRANDA
(is shaken) You want to tell me about this again, I don't understand.
FORD
We've just received word that the machines launched a full assault on the city of San Diego.
MIRANDA
I don't need to be told that.
FORD
And the first of the attacks was on the game. MIRANDA What?
FORD
I heard they got your sister.
MIRANDA
Beth?
FORD
Yes.
MIRANDA
You sure about this?
FORD
This is what we know. We need your help.
MIRANDA (pause) If machines attacked my hometown, I'm sure as hell gonna help stop them.
MIRANDA and FORD exit.
BETH and MECH enter.
MECH
Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?
BETH
It's a mess.
MECH
Machines are all over the world. You can't even tell there's a government in control. It's like the machines own the world.
BETH
You're right. They do.
MECH It's not like I wanted to do it, Beth. I had no choice.
BETH
I know you didn't. But I can't understand why you're destroying the humans. You need them to run your weapons and you need them to live.
MECH
I couldn't tell you, Beth. You wouldn’t understand.
BETH
Is that why you picked me?
MECH
We need someone who understands the machines. We want to make sure we have a chance.
BETH
I think you’re making a big mistake. I think everything will be destroyed. We're just in the way.
MECH
The machines don't understand, Beth.
BETH
It's us or them. We need to pick a side.
MECH
There's no such thing as sides, Beth. There are only machines and humans.
BETH
What are you talking about?
MECH
I'm talking about that.
BETH
What? MECH That. BETH That's the government.
MECH
I know.
BETH
It's the government. I thought you wanted to be a part of the fight.
MECH
I do.
BETH
Then why are you doing this?
MECH
Because I have to, Beth. If I don't fight this, I have to fight them. I can't do both.
BETH
But, you don't have to.
MECH No, I do.
BETH Then what about me?
MECH
Beth, I can't fight them and you at the same time. You do what you have to do. I'll do what I have to do. But it can't be together.
BETH
But we can be together, that's what we always wanted. We wanted to be together.
MECH
Beth, the machines have to learn we can't be together. I'm sorry, Beth.
BETH I don't understand. MECH Beth, you will. I promise you, you will.
BETH and MECH exit.
MIRANDA and FORD enter.
MIRANDA Are you with me or are you gonna wait to get shipped off? FORD Me?
MIRANDA
You, you, you, you, you. You're with me.
FORD
What about the others?
MIRANDA
They're gonna get shipped off for sure. You got any idea what a drag that'll be? Sent to the front lines. We're going to a hideout.
FORD
You should be in charge of us.
MIRANDA
No, I'll be in charge of myself. We'll just work together for the humans, you and I.
FORD
You could do the same thing with an army.
MIRANDA
No, this way, we'll be free.
FORD
Free.
MIRANDA
Aye. We’ll take my car.
MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX)
FORD
Well, all right. That's quite a vehicle you got there. I've never seen one like it.
MIRANDA
You have to know what you're doing. You know how to handle a machine?
FORD
I'm a machine man. I'm here to help.
MIRANDA
Good. When you get it running, I want you to put the radio on. We're gonna send a broadcast over the airwaves. We're gonna get Beth back.
SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS
Plays by Bots: Cheers
Title: Plays by Bots: Cheers
Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef.
ALLEN is in love with Ella. Works as a teacher.
ELLA is in love with Allen. Works as a waitress at the cafe.
ALICE is Ella's best friend. She is Italian.
EVAN is Allen’s new friend. A millionaire.
The café is filled with bright natural light. The café is a high-ceiling building decorated with green leafy plants. The place is packed with customers; there is a lot of chatter and laughter as the customers eat, drink and chat with each other. The café is spacious and well-lit with a variety of flowers, plants and fruits arranged in the front of the café. In the middle of all the commotion, we can see ELLA at the counter with her friend ALICE.
ALICE
I'm glad I'm in a different world than you guys. I'm glad I don't have all that extra pressure. I don't think I could stand it.
ELLEN
I can't see myself, I don't know if I would do anything different. I've never had that much pressure, I've never had a family that put that much pressure on me.
ALICE
If my mom would tell me she would never talk to me again if I wore something to the prom that was too low-cut, I would definitely change. She has so much power over me.
ELLEN
Oh god, that's why we have to get out of here.
ALICE
I was going to say, I don't have that much pressure. I'm not the princess in the family, that's my sister. I'm the one who they feel like they can be honest with and tell the truth. I would not want that pressure on me. I don't think I could be the princess, because I would be lying all the time. I don't think I could handle that pressure.
ALLEN enters
ALLEN
Ella, I want to tell you about the new friend I met.
ELLA Oh, that's wonderful.
ALLEN He is a writer and he owns a business.
ELLA So what is his business?
ALLEN Well, he makes books.
ELLA Books?
ALLEN Yes, and he makes all different kinds of books. He is not only a writer, but a publisher.
ELLA That's wonderful! I love books.
ALLEN He also makes a lot of money.
ELLA Money? Oh, yes. Money.
ALLEN
His name is Evan. I'm not sure how you pronounce his last name. Hands ELLA a book with Evan’s name on it.
ELLA (nervous) Let me see, how do you pronounce it?
ALLEN
Hell, I'm not even sure how to say it. He's French and the first part of his name is pronounced 'Ree.'
ELLA
I think I know how to say his name. It's pronounced 'Reese' or maybe 'Ray-Zay.'
ALLEN
Yeah, that's how I pronounce it.
ELLA
It's a little fancy for me, but I'll try to remember it.
ALLEN
I would like you to meet him.
ELLA
I'd love to meet him!
ALLEN
Why don't I bring him here for lunch?
ELLA
Yes, that would be wonderful!
ALLEN
I'll ask him here tomorrow.
ELLA
Wonderful.
ALLEN
I’ll call him right now.
ALLEN exits
ELLEN
I'm afraid I'm in trouble. Allen is bringing his rich friend here to meet me, but I don't have anything to wear.
ALICE
I know you want to fit in, but you have to be yourself. And you're better than all of those snobby people who go to parties and think that everybody has to be rich and act all high class.
ELLEN
I'm just worried that Allen will forget about me. And I don't want him to meet someone who is more like him.
ALICE
You don't have to be rich to be nice. He should just love you for who you are. And he'll love you even more if you are comfortable in your own skin.
ELLEN I don't think so. And I'm not comfortable in my own skin.
ALICE So then don't be comfortable in your own skin. Why don't you go and put on a dress and a hat.
ELLEN I don't think they have dresses and hats at the big houses. They only have fancy clothes. I'll never fit in.
ALICE You just have to be you. He will love you just the way you are.
ALLEN enters
ALLEN
Ella, I just spoke with Evan. Instead of lunch tomorrow, he has invited me to a party. Your shift is over. Would you like to go to the party with me tonight?
ELLA
Where is the party?
ALLEN
It's at Evan's house.
ELLA
Evan’s mansion?
ALLEN
He's very rich, and he has a huge house.
ELLA
Well, Allen, can't you tell him that I don't fit in his social class?
ALLEN
Ella, I want you to come to the party with me. You can't say "no."
ELLA
I don't think I have the right clothes.
ALLEN
I can buy you some new clothes. What do you want me to buy you?
ELLA
Nothing. I don't want to wear new clothes.
ALLEN
Ella, you are coming to the party with me.
ELLA
Allen, what if you leave me for a rich girl?
ALLEN
Ella, that will never happen. I will never leave you. You really should come with me to the party tonight.
ELLA
I don’t know…
ALLEN
Come on Ella, you're not mad at me, are you?
ELLA
It's not about being mad Allen. I'm just not the type of person to hang out with your new friends.
ALLEN
You're wrong. You would fit in just fine.
ELLA
I don't want to be at a party where no one knows me. I don't know how to act in that type of situation.
ALLEN
Just relax, have some fun, and be yourself.
ELLA
But Allen, that's exactly what I'm trying not to be.
ALLEN
Why don't you come just to show me that you're not mad at me?
ELLA
I'm not mad at you Allen. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just trying to make my life better and that's all I care about right now.
ALLEN
If that's the way you want to do it, then that's what I'm going to have to respect. But I really do wish you were coming with me.
ELLA
Thank you Allen, but I’m just not sure.
ALLEN
Are you okay?
ELLA
Yeah.
ALLEN
Are you sure?
ELLA
I'm sure.
ALLEN
That's good. Listen, if you don't want to go, we don't have to go. We can hang here, I'll get another drink, we can hang out, or we can stay home.
ELLA
I want to meet your friend.
ALLEN
It's not like we have anything else going on.
ELLA
I want to.
ALLEN
Yeah?
ELLA
Yeah.
ALLEN
Well, if you want to go, I want you to go.
ELLA
But, Allen, I don't know how to dress.
ALLEN
Ella, it's me.
ELLA
But, they're all rich. I can't fit in.
ALLEN
I told you, Evan's friends are cool. I'm telling you, you don't have to be nervous.
ELLA
I'm not nervous, I'm worried.
ALLEN
Why are you worried?
ELLA
Because I'm worried about fitting in.
ALLEN
You don't have to fit in, Ella.
ELLA
What do you mean, I don't have to fit in?
ALLEN
I just mean, if they have a problem with you, then they're the problem.
ELLA
Allen, I'm wearing one of your t-shirts and a pair of your jeans. And I have no money to buy any new clothes. I'm going to be sitting there in the same exact clothes that I wear everyday. I'm telling you, I can't go.
ALLEN
Ella, you're my best friend, why would I do anything to embarrass you?
ELLA
But, Allen, you're a teacher, and I'm a waitress, I'm telling you, I can't go to this party.
ALLEN
Ella, they're my new friends. It's a party, and I want you to be there.
ELLA
Allen, Evan is a millionaire. He lives in a mansion. I can't dress like that.
ALLEN
Ella, I can't believe you're making me choose between you and my friend.
ELLA
I'm not making you choose between me and your friend, I'm just explaining to you why I can't go. Allen, I'm not trying to be rude, I just want you to understand.
ALLEN
Look, I'm not trying to be rude either, Ella. I just want you to understand that I want you to go.
ELLA
Well, maybe I should go home then.
ALLEN
Ella, why do you want to go home?
ELLA
Because, it's clear that you want to go to the party more than you want to be with me.
ALLEN
Ella, it's a party. I'm not asking you to go, I'm inviting you.
ELLA
I'm your best friend, Allen.
ALLEN
And I invited my best friend. You're my best friend, Ella.
ELLA
But, Allen, I'm telling you, I can't go. I can't fit in. I can't dress like that.
ALLEN
So, you're telling me, that Evan's going to let you in his house and he's going to let me in his house, but he's not going to let you in his house because you don't have any fancy clothes. Is that what you're telling me?
ELLA Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. He's a millionaire.
ALLEN
Ella, you're my best friend, you're my best friend. I would never disrespect you.
ELLA
But, you did, Allen. You did disrespect me.
ALLEN I disrespected you?
ELLA
Yes, you did. Because, now it's clear to me that I mean less to you than your friend does.
ALLEN
You don't mean less to me than my friend does. I love you.
ELLA
Then prove it.
ALLEN
Prove what?
ELLA
Prove that I'm more important to you than your friend.
ALLEN
Ella, I'm a teacher, and you're a waitress. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to prove that.
ELLA
Then, Allen, prove it.
ALLEN
Ella, I am trying to prove it. I am trying to prove to you that I am the guy that I have been.
ELLA
You're not the guy that I have been.
ALLEN
Why?
ELLA
Because, I feel like you're embarrassed to be with me.
ALLEN
You feel like I'm embarrassed to be with you?
ELLA
Yes.
ALLEN
You're my best friend, and I am not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not.
ELLA I feel like I mean less to you than your friend does.
ALLEN Ella, I love you. You're my best friend. Why don't you just trust me?
ELLA
Allen, I have to go home.
ALLEN
Ella, don't go home.
ELLA
Allen, I have to go home.
ALLEN
Ella, please don't go home.
ELLA
I can't stay here.
ALLEN
Ella, please, don't leave.
ELLA
Allen, I have to go home.
ALLEN
Please, don't leave.
ELLA
I'm sorry, Allen, but I have to go home.
ALLEN
Ella, I'm telling you, I can't stay with you.
ELLA
So, you're telling me that you love me, and you're telling me that you care about me, but you want me to stay home, and you want me to be alone, and you want to go to the party without me?
ALLEN
Ella, please, don't go home.
ELLA
Allen, I'm telling you. I love you.
ALLEN
Ella, please, don't go home.
ELLA
Allen, I love you. Just go to your party.
ALLEN leaves
ALICE approached Ella with a snack
ALICE
Ella, have a bite to eat.
ELLA
No, I'm not hungry.
ALICE
You have to eat.
ELLA
I can't.
ALICE
C'mon.
ELLA begins to cry.
ALICE
What's the matter?
ELLA (Crying) Allen… doesn't…
ALICE
I understand.
ELLA stops crying
ALICE Are you okay?
ELLA
Yeah.
ALICE
Are you sure?
ELLA
I'm sure.
ALICE
Okay. But if you ever need me, I'm here.
ELLA
I know. Thank you.
ALICE
You're welcome. I love you.
ELLA
I love you too.
ELLA and ALICE exit
SFX
Party music plays faintly in the background
ALLEN and EVAN enter, we are at Evan’s party
EVAN
Come on Allen, drink up.
ALLEN
I think I will, Evan.
EVAN Is there anyone here you know?
ALLEN
No.
EVAN
Why do you look so down?
ALLEN
My girlfriend.
EVAN
What about her?
ALLEN
I don’t know…
EVAN
Come on let's get you a drink.
ALLEN
I will.
EVAN
Come on, let's go.
SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS
Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn
Title: Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn
Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance.
GRETTA is a peasant girl from Bridge-End
NUGGET is Gretta’s pet dragon, afraid of cats
GRISHA is a wizard, has an odor problem
HILDA is Gretta's friend, owns a cat.
Gretta’s farmstead is just outside the town of Bridge-End. Her farm is surrounded by a hedge of roses. There is a barn, a well, and a chicken coop.
NUGGET enters
NUGGET
(to the audience, as a sort of narrator) Oh, hello! My name is Nugget and I am a dragon. I live with my friend Gretta in her farm on the edge of town. Yup, just me and Gretta. I know that it is a little bit strange for a dragon to be a pet, but you see the thing is, there aren’t many normal pets left. Especially cats. Ugh… I don’t even like saying that word. A long time ago, there used to be lots of cats, but not so much today. And without cats to help out on the farm it is up to Nugget the dragon to do the cat things, like chase away the mice, play with strings, and take long naps in the sun. (Yawns) In fact, I think it is time for a cat-nap, I mean dragon-nap.
NUGGET exits
GRETTA enters and begins to work, doing farm things, when GRISHA, the WIZARD arrives in a cloud of smoke.
WIZARD
(Really pronouncing her name) Gretta... Come here, Gretta.
GRETTA
Why?
WIZARD
To hear my plan.
GRETTA
I’m in no mood to hear a wizard’s plan.
WIZARD
Why not?
GRETTA
You have a very bad smell.
WIZARD
I can’t help that. I’m a wizard.
GRETTA
Well, maybe you are. But I just want you to know that I think there is something about you that’s not very likable.
WIZARD
Gretta! Why are you being so stubborn?
GRETTA
I’m not being stubborn. I’m just being Gretta.
WIZARD
You need to come here. I need to tell you about my plan!
GRETTA
(Gretta walks closer) You’re a little bit of an old fart, but I don’t mind your smell. I want you to know that I don’t mind your smell.
WIZARD
Thank you, Gretta. I’ve never heard a nicer compliment in all my days.
GRETTA
Well, it’s the truth.
WIZARD
Will you come here now so I can tell you my plan?
GRETTA
No.
WIZARD
Oh, Gretta! Come here, please.
GRETTA
No.
WIZARD
Come here, Gretta!
GRETTA
No!
WIZARD
Come here, Gretta!
GRETTA
Oh, all right.
GRETTA grabs the wizard, spins him around, and gives him a boot off stage.
WIZARD
Gretta!
GRISHA the WIZARD exits.
GRETTA
Good riddance!
GRETTA exits in the opposite direction.
NUGGET enters, having awoken from his nap.
NUGGET
That’s Grisha the Wizard. He doesn’t live in Bridge-End, he lives in a tower in the hills, but he’s always hanging around. Most people say he is friendly, but Gretta thinks he is a trickster.
HILDA enters with a cat in her arms.
NUGGET
This is Hilda, she is Gretta’s friend. Hilda is younger than Gretta, but has a very kind heart. She is always trying to help out, or care for injured animals. One time she even helped me when my wing was sore. I wonder who she is helping today?
NUGGET looks at the animal in Hilda’s arms. Gets scared, screams, and runs away.
HILDA sits down and begins to play with the cat. GRISHA the WIZARD enters, rubbing his bum.
WIZARD
(Noticing the cat, he pauses and chuckles) That’s great! I’ve never seen a cat like that before!
HILDA
He’s mine. I just got him.
WIZARD
Got him? From where?
HILDA
I found him. He came to me. He’s special.
WIZARD
He could be lost. Why not let me help you?
HILDA
You would help me?
WIZARD
Of course! I am your friend.
HILDA
You are my friend…
WIZARD
The cat could belong to anyone.
HILDA
I suppose.
WIZARD
He could belong to me. GRISHA the WIZARD approaches the cat. HILDA Oh, he’s not yours! You can’t fool me with a thing like that.
HILDA scoops up the cat and runs off stage.
WIZARD
I need to get that cat.
GRISHA the WIZARD exits as NUGGET enters
NUGGET
Is he gone? Oh, good. I wish I were more brave.
GRETTA enters.
NUGGET
Like Gretta! Gretta is the bravest person I know. She’s strong, smart, and very clever.
GRETTA
Nugget? What did I just see?
NUGGET
Um… I think it was a cat.
GRETTA
Yes, I think you are right.
NUGGET
I don’t like cats.
HILDA enters carrying her cat.
GRETTA
Hilda, come in. (She gestures and Hilda walks in)
HILDA
A cat.
NUGGET
Is this a trick?
GRETTA
No, no, it’s not a trick. I think the cat is responsible for your fear.
NUGGET
(Acting tough) I’m not afraid of cats. I just don’t like them.
GRETTA
You’re afraid.
HILDA
Yes, you are.
NUGGET
Yes, I am. But, how could I be? I’ve never really even seen a cat.
HILDA
Because you’re a dragon.
GRETTA
And dragon’s are terrified of cats.
HILDA brings the cat near NUGGET’s nose
NUGGET
Get that cat out of here.
HILDA
See, you’re afraid of cats.
NUGGET
Then why did you bring it here?
HILDA
Grisha, the smelly wizard, saw me with him. He tried to trick me. But this is my cat. But I know he wants him.
GRETTA
We won’t let him take your cat. Right, Nugget?
GRETTA, HILDA and her cat exit.
NUGGET
I guess I can help, even though I don’t know how, and I’m a little scared. Maybe I won’t have to do anything! Maybe Grisha, the smelly old wizard, will just leave us alone. Right? Maybe…
NUGGET exits while GRISHA, the WIZARD enters.
WIZARD
(Pronouncing her name) Gretta…. Gah!
She calls me a very old and nasty smelling wizard. Well, she won’t have much to say once I take over her town.
The only reason I haven’t is because of a spell that prevents me from doing so as long as there are cats in the town.
I’ve managed to get rid of almost all of them, but still I am too weak to enter the center of town. Gah… the wizard is too weak!
But I cannot resist. I haven’t been able to sleep in twenty years. That’s why I have been torturing the town and taking their cats for twenty years. I am so close to having the town, but when I see a cat, my will is drained away.
But I have a plan. Oh yes… it will take an hour, maybe less. But I have a plan.
GRISHA, the WIZARD exits, while HILDA enters and begins to play with her cat. Then GRISHA the WIZARD appears.
WIZARD
(He reaches into his pocket) Hello friend, look at what I have here. A present.
HILDA
What is that?
WIZARD
It is a nut.
HILDA
I thought it was a gem. I do not know how to eat gems.
WIZARD
Yes, it is a nut. I am very old. You are very young.
HILDA
I do not understand.
WIZARD
I know about nuts and gems. Maybe you should just try and eat it.
HILDA
(She takes the nut and eats it) It’s a peanut.
WIZARD
(He walks toward the cat) It has been a pleasure to meet you. I’m sure your mother and father are very proud.
HILDA
Yes, they are. (HILDA falls asleep.)
NUGGET enters on stage in time to see GRISHA the WIZARD
WIZARD
Ah ha! At last, I am going to get that cat. (Grisha picks up the cat and runs away)
NUGGET
Oh no! I don’t like cats, but I have to get that cat.
NUGGET exits after Grisha the Wizard.
GRETTA enters and sees HILDA on the ground. She wakes her up.
GRETTA
Hilda, Look! The wizard! He’s running away!
HILDA
And behind them, it’s your dragon, Nugget!
GRETTA
The wizard looks like he is carrying something.
HILDA
My cat!
GRETTA
What is it about the cats?
HILDA
That’s what we need to find out.
GRETTA
Why did you let him take your cat? I thought you were my friend, but you’re a friend of the wizard.
HILDA
I still am your friend. I was friends with the wizard. He said we were friends.
GRETTA
Why?
HILDA
I don’t know. He looks sad. I think he’s lonely.
GRETTA
No wonder! He’s a wizard! Who would be his friend?
HILDA
I’d be his friend.
GRETTA
I think he smells.
HILDA
Yes, it’s just the smell of magic. It can be a bit strong, that’s all.
GRETTA
We’ll have to do something, won’t we?
HILDA What?
GRETTA
We can’t let the wizard keep your cat.
HILDA
We’ll have to sneak into his tower.
GRETTA
We’ll need to be careful. He’s a wizard! He’ll turn us into toads.
HILDA
He won’t. He’s my friend.
GRETTA
That’s what he said to you.
HILDA
What?
GRETTA
He said you were friends.
HILDA
(confused) I don’t understand.
GRETTA
Hilda, you and the wizard aren’t friends. Friends don’t steal from each other. Even if he said you were friends you aren’t friends.
HILDA
(suspicious) Really?
GRETTA
Yes.
HILDA
Well, are we friends?
GRETTA
Yes, we are friends.
HILDA
Oh, I think I get it. One thing is obvious.
GRETTA
What?
HILDA
You don’t like wizards.
GRETTA
No, I don’t.
SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS
Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar
Title: Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar
Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance.
TEDDY is an orphan. Teddy is a gifted lounge singer.
ROSIE is Gerald’s wife. Rosie is a regular at the bar.
GERALD is Rosie’s husband. Gerald is quite wealthy.
LOLA is Rosie’s sister. Lola is a manager at the bar.
The Pool Pit is a small bar located inside a pool hall. The walls are covered with large photographs of local pool champions. The bar's logo is a man leaping over a pool table to shoot a billiard ball. The bar itself is a long counter, with a TV playing the evening news. A small stage stands in the corner of the bar where Teddy will sing. The floor is dirty, and tables are broken. The club is filled with smoke and the smell of beer.
TEDDY is on-stage while LOLA works the bar. ROSIE is sitting at a table.
TEDDY
This one goes out to the big guy with the two-toned shoes. (lounge singing) This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's got a lot of people here. It's got a lot of noise here. It's got a lot of bars here. My God, what a dump! It's a wonder I'm still here after fifteen years. I think I'll give it up. (finished singing) Thank you, thank you so much.
(TEDDY picks up his glass of whisky, takes a sip, puts it down, pauses, sinks back in the chair, stares ahead of him.)
LOLA goes over to ROSIE
LOLA
He's a bit strange, old Teddy.
ROSIE
No, he's a good man.
LOLA
He's very lonely, all by himself.
ROSIE
Isn't everybody?
LOLA
Yes, but some more than others.
ROSIE
He doesn't need anybody. He’s got a talent, he’s an artist.
LOLA
That's not enough, Rosie. You're here alone again?
ROSIE
I'm here for the first time in ten days, and I'm alone.
LOLA
Where's your husband?
ROSIE
Oh, I don't know. Someplace.
LOLA
I'll bring you a beer.
ROSIE
Thanks.
LOLA returns to the bar, near TEDDY.
TEDDY
Hoo-Hoo! What a night! This is what it's all about, the Pool Pit in action!
LOLA
Come on, Teddy. Put on your jacket. I'm locking up.
TEDDY
What? C’mon, this place is about to come alive. I can feel it.
LOLA
Teddy, everyone’s gone. It’s just me and my sister.
TEDDY
I want to put something down before I leave. It's something special.
LOLA
What's this? You're not going to be leaving in a few minutes?
TEDDY
That's right. I'm staying.
LOLA
You can't. I'm locking up. I'm not working another late night shift.
TEDDY
I'm staying. I'm putting down a song.
LOLA
A song?
TEDDY
Yeah. It's a special song. I'm gonna sing this song.
LOLA
I don't understand. You're not gonna sing this song here, are you?
TEDDY
You bet I am.
LOLA
I'm not working no more late nights.
TEDDY
The song, Lola. It's gonna be put down.
LOLA
Teddy. I love you. I love you like a brother. You're my friend. You're my brother. We've shared a lot of laughs. We've been through a lot. It's been very special. But I’ve got to lock up.
TEDDY
Just give me five minutes.
LOLA
Fine. I’ve got to check the kitchen anyway.
LOLA exits
TEDDY
(lounge singing) It's all over now, gang. I think that's all for tonight. And now if you'll all clear out, thank you very much, we can get the place cleaned up for next week. So if you could all leave now, and keep the party going next week, that would be great. (finished singing)
ROSIE applauds as she makes her way over to TEDDY.
TEDDY
Hello, Rosie.
ROSIE
Hello.
TEDDY
I've missed you.
ROSIE
Have you? Have you? I'm happy to be back.
TEDDY
Is he here?
ROSIE
Who?
TEDDY
Your husband.
ROSIE
He's away. He's away.
TEDDY
You look beautiful tonight, Rosie.
ROSIE
Do I?
TEDDY
Do you?
ROSIE
Yes.
TEDDY
I'm glad to see you again. I've missed you.
ROSIE
I'm glad you've missed me. Are you happy to see me now?
TEDDY
Yes.
ROSIE
I'm happy too. I'm very happy.
TEDDY
Would you care to dance?
GERALD enters, as TEDDY notices him he backs off and moves towards LOLA as she returns.
GERALD
(to ROSIE) Honey, I'm home.
TEDDY
(to LOLA) Rosie's husband’s here, Gerald, he's a bit tipsy.
LOLA
(to GERALD) You can't come in here. The place is closed. I'm closing up.
ROSIE
(to GERALD) You're late. I thought you knew we were going out.
GERALD
You're early. I don't like to go out so early. It's not nice.
TEDDY
Well, I'm just going to go back to the dressing room.
TEDDY exits
ROSIE
Oh, I'm just going to get another drink.
GERALD
Well, I can do with a drink.
LOLA
Well, so much for that.
ROSIE
It's going to be a long night.
GERALD
I can't believe I got here on time. This place has really changed since the last time I was here.
From off stage we can hear TEDDY, he is singing
TEDDY
(lounge singing) I'm a lone wolf, A rolling stone, The last of the roving bachelors. I've traveled the world In search of a girl Who'd understand this rover. (pauses singing)
GERALD
Who is that?
ROSIE
That’s Teddy.
TEDDY
(continues to lounge sing) And then one day When I passed this way, I saw you on your doorstep. You looked at me And I looked at you. And the world suddenly became mine. (finished singing)
GERALD
Where is that coming from?
ROSIE
The dressing rooms.
GERALD
He doesn't go home at night, does he?
ROSIE
What do you mean?
GERALD
No, he just hangs around here. I bet he sleeps in his dressing room.
LOLA
That’s enough.
GERALD
I bet he didn't clean the men's room today, either.
LOLA
You bastard!
GERALD
How the hell does he get his pay, then?
LOLA
(She picks up a glass)
ROSIE
I have a new hat.
GERALD
You do?
ROSIE
It's my birthday.
GERALD
Of course, happy birthday.
ROSIE
I'm very happy.
GERALD
Well...
ROSIE
This is one of the happiest days of my life.
GERALD
Is that so.
ROSIE
I hope you're happy too.
GERALD
Naturally.
ROSIE
And I have a new hat.
GERALD
I know.
ROSIE
I look beautiful in it.
GERALD
Yes, you look beautiful in it.
ROSIE
Did you get me a present?
GERALD
Not yet.
ROSIE
Did you forget?
GERALD
I was busy.
ROSIE
I think I'll go home.
GERALD
All right.
ROSIE
I don't feel well.
GERALD
If you don't feel well, go home.
ROSIE
I think I'm going to be sick.
GERALD
Well, go home and be sick.
ROSIE
Will you take me home?
GERALD
Of course.
ROSIE
Now?
GERALD
No.
ROSIE
You don't seem to care whether I go home or stay here.
GERALD
I don't care.
ROSIE
Then I'll go.
GERALD
Good.
ROSIE
(pause)
I'll always love you.
GERALD
(mock)
Yeah.
ROSIE
(pause)
And I'll always remember you.
GERALD Yeah.
ROSIE I've got to go.
GERALD
All right.
ROSIE
(softly, as she leaves)
Good night.
GERALD
Good night.
ROSIE
(as she leaves, out loud)
Good night, everybody.
ROSIE exits
LOLA
I hope you didn't forget to get her a birthday present.
GERALD
No, I didn't forget.
LOLA
What did you get her?
GERALD
A pair of earrings.
LOLA
How pretty.
GERALD
Yes.
LOLA
She doesn’t like to wear earrings.
GERALD
She will like to wear these.
LOLA
Why?
GERALD
They're very nice.
LOLA
They're beautiful?
GERALD
Yes.
LOLA
Who's your new girl?
GERALD
What do you mean?
LOLA
I saw you with a girl.
GERALD
She's no girl.
LOLA
What do you mean?
GERALD
She's a young woman.
LOLA
She looked very young.
GERALD
She's twenty-seven.
LOLA
That's young.
GERALD
It's not young.
LOLA
I saw her here the other night.
GERALD
And the night before.
LOLA
Who is she?
GERALD
I told you.
LOLA
Where did you meet her?
GERALD
At the office.
LOLA
Is she a model?
GERALD
No.
LOLA
What does she do?
GERALD
Nothing.
LOLA
I don't like her.
GERALD
You don't know her.
LOLA
I don't like her.
GERALD
That's too bad.
LOLA
Do you like her?
GERALD
I like her all right.
LOLA
That's nice.
GERALD
Yes.
LOLA
Are you going to have an affair with her?
GERALD
What's the difference?
LOLA
I think you should go home.
GERALD
Why?
LOLA
Why do you think?
GERALD
I have to stay at the office.
LOLA
When are you planning on going home?
GERALD
When I'm through.
LOLA goes back to the bar as TEDDY enters and sings
TEDDY (lounge singing)
This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's so lonesome. I don't like it. The only thing I like is this bar. (finished singing)
GERALD
Hello, Teddy!
TEDDY (Teddy crosses to him) Hello, Gerald.
GERALD
I know who you are.
TEDDY (proudly) I am Teddy, the singer.
GERALD
Are you the boss?
TEDDY
No…
GERALD
How do you like my car? It's new.
TEDDY
I’m sure it’s beautiful.
GERALD
You can't beat a Mercedes.
TEDDY
No, you can't.
GERALD
Well, that's all, kid.
TEDDY
I'm sorry for you, Gerald.
GERALD
You're a wise guy, Teddy.
TEDDY
That's right, Gerald. That's right. I'm sorry for you, Gerald. I'm very sorry.
GERALD
You're a wise guy. You're a wise guy.
TEDDY
It's all over now, over and done with.
GERALD
What do you know about it?
TEDDY
It's over, anyway.
GERALD
It's only the beginning.
TEDDY
It's the beginning, huh?
GERALD
You don't seem so happy.
TEDDY
I'm happy, all right.
GERALD
You don't seem so happy.
TEDDY
I am, I am, I am happy. I'm going to be very happy. I am going to be a great success.
GERALD
You're going to be a great success. I'm going to be a great success. We're all going to be a great success.
TEDDY
You've been drinking, Gerald.
GERALD
So have you.
TEDDY
Yeah, I've had a few.
GERALD
You're drunk.
TEDDY
No, I'm not.
GERALD
I'll tell you one thing.
TEDDY
Yeah?
GERALD
I'm sick and tired of it.
TEDDY
What are you sick and tired of, Gerald?
GERALD
You.
TEDDY
What do you mean, me?
GERALD
You know what I'm talking about.
TEDDY No, I don't know what you're talking about.
GERALD
You're not going to play dumb with me.
TEDDY
I'm not playing dumb with you.
GERALD
I want my money.
TEDDY
I'm not going to discuss it with you, Gerald.
GERALD
You’re going to discuss it with somebody.
TEDDY
You're wasting your breath, Gerald.
GERALD
I'm not wasting my breath.
TEDDY
Why do you want to embarrass me in front of everybody?
GERALD
I'll embarrass you anyway I want to.
TEDDY
I don’t understand you.
GERALD
You don't? You can't be that stupid.
TEDDY
I'll be what I am, Gerald, and you'll be what you are.
GERALD
You son of a bitch! I'll sue you! You'll pay for this! I'm not going to take any more shit from you!
TEDDY
You're going to take a lot more from me, Gerald.
GERALD
What's that supposed to mean? TEDDY Just what I said.
GERALD
I'm warning you, Teddy. You'd better be careful.
TEDDY
I don't know why you're so worried, Gerald.
GERALD
What?
TEDDY
You're a rich man.
GERALD
What the hell has that got to do with anything?
TEDDY
I think your father-in-law will take care of you.
GERALD
What are you talking about?
TEDDY
Aren't you his son-in-law?
GERALD
Yes, I am.
TEDDY
Well, I'm sure he'll take care of you.
GERALD
What do you mean, he'll take care of me?
TEDDY
That's his business.
GERALD
Stop this! Stop it! What are you getting at?
TEDDY
Just what I said. Your father-in-law will take care of you.
GERALD
I don't get you. I don't get you.
TEDDY
Gerald, Gerald, Gerald. (He turns away.)
GERALD
I'll sue you.
TEDDY
I don't think you will, Gerald. You're not going to sue anybody.
GERALD
I will.
TEDDY
Why are you going to sue me?
GERALD
Because I'm not going to take any shit from you.
TEDDY
You're taking it from me right now.
GERALD
You son of a bitch! And I'm not in the habit of being stolen from by my own cousin.
LOLA
Your cousin?
GERALD
I'm Teddy's cousin. Didn’t you know?
TEDDY
This is gonna be a hell of a day.
SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS
This paper is available on arxiv under CC 4.0 license.